Extended Nursing…

Why is nursing a child over the age of 1 so “shocking” to so many people?? I was reading another blog post on extended weaning a few weeks ago and it got me thinking about it – and about my own feelings – and changing feelings on the subject.

I nursed my son until he was nearly 4 years old. You can read about our journey here and here.

I think a lot of the ignorance around extended breastfeeding is just that – ignorance. Our culture doesn’t teach us anything about breastfeeding – not a thing! I admit that prior to having my son, I thought it was “weird” when people were breastfeeding their toddlers. I had a very good friend who nursed her twins until they were three and I thought that was “a bit much”. But at the same time, I was very lucky – even though I didn’t realize it at the time, all of these extended nursers who I thought were a bit over the top, were really good role models for me.

I had my good friend who nursed twins until they were three, and several other friends who nursed toddlers until they were two or there-abouts. So even though I initially thought they were odd, I knew it could be done. And as time went by – and I had my own son – their extended nursing seemed less “abnormal” and more “normal” to me. When my son was born, I knew I would nurse for a year. As time went on, I thought I would like to let him self-wean and I thought about nursing until he was two. I became more and more comfortable with the idea of nursing past the age of one as my son got older and older. And soon I knew that I would nurse until age two. One year came and went and there was never a time when he didn’t seem like a baby to me. There was also never a time that I felt “forced weaning” was required.

I remember when my son was 18 months old and my husband used to ask me WHEN I was going to stop nursing. He didn’t want me to stop then, he just wanted to know when it would be (as if I knew!). I always used to jokingly say “when he’s 3″ because I never dreamed I would be nursing THAT LONG!

Then age three came and went and he was still going strong. To be honest, I didn’t think he would ever wean! And again, there never seemed to be a time when weaning was “necessary”. I did start employing “gentle” weaning techniques and had a strict “don’t ask, don’t offer” policy.

My son finally did self-wean just prior to his 4th birthday. I never dreamed we would nurse that long – but it also never felt like it was “too long.”

Our culture definitely sexualizes breasts – and I am very sad to say, that even now, nearly a year after my son has weaned, I feel “weird” when he grabs at my breasts and asks to nurse. Even after nursing him for so long, our culture has made me feel like this is a sexual act – when it is the furthest thing from that.

What can we do to normalize breastfeeding beyond the age of one? The best thing that we can do is to educate. Teach our children about breastfeeding. Show them animals and humans nursing. Whenever my son and I go to the zoo we talk about the animals that are nursing and he pretends that his toys nurse from their mommies. The best way to make it accepted is to make it common. So nurse in public and even if you don’t nurse in public – let people know that you are a nursing mom. Education is the key! What is so “magical” about being one anyway?

Did you nurse your child beyond the age of one? Why or why not? Have your feelings about breastfeeding changed now that you are a mom vs before you had children of your own? Who were your role models and positive influences? Please leave a comment to share your story.

Gentle Weaning – My Journey Through Breastfeeding

Weaning begins when your child starts to take something other than your breast milk as part of his diet. For most of us, that is around the six month mark. Weaning for some happens quickly, and for others lasts for a very long time. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that mothers breastfeed exclusively for 6 months and continue to breastfeed until at least 12 months. Breastfeeding may continue beyond this point for as long as it is mutually desired by both mother and child. The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for up to two years of age or beyond.

No matter when you decide to wean, do so with love, kindness and compassion and do so gradually.

When my son was born, I knew that I would breastfeed for at least a year. After a few months, I thought that I would breastfeed for two years. I was lucky in that I had many role models who had breastfed their babies for longer than 1 year. Eventually I thought I would like to let my son self-wean and I had heard so many stories of children that had self-weaned. I definitely thought that was for me.

Let me start at the beginning. My son was born via emergency c-section and had to be suctioned at birth amongst other complications. He had a lot of trouble latching on and we had to use a nipple shield to finally get him latched. My milk also took FOREVER to come in and my poor little son was dehydrated. After a very rocky first 2 weeks, my son was nursing like a champ! After 3 weeks, we were able to wean from the nipple shield and by 4 weeks he was a great nurser (nursed literally every hour during the day time hours) and a great sleeper (was sleeping 8 PM to 4 AM by the time he was 4-5 weeks old – NOTE: this amount of sleep for a baby this young is NOT typical – I was SUPER lucky). But like I said, my son literally nursed every hour for the first year of his life. Even when he was with his nanny, he would take the bottled breastmilk every 1-1.5 hours. He was a nibbler – didn’t like to drink a lot at once – just liked to drink all of the time! Since he nursed so often, I believe that I have literally nursed in public just about anywhere that it can possibly be done! (but that is another post all-together…)

At 12 months my son was still nursing 10-12 times per day. By 18 months, we were still breastfeeding in public and he was nursing 8-10 times per day. Right around this time, he was able to understand enough and have enough patience, that I could tell him “when we get home” or “not right now” when he asked to nurse and he was OK with that. It was also around this time (between 18 months and 2 years) that I discovered that my son had several breastfeeding “triggers.” These triggers were places or positions that made him want to nurse. For instance, we had a yellow chair in our living room that we always nursed in – from the time he was an infant I used that chair because it had a very firm, straight back and was comfy for sitting and nursing. I found that whenever I sat in that chair, even if my son wasn’t thinking about nursing, he would automatically want to nurse. I also found that if I avoided sitting in this chair, he didn’t ask to nurse quite as much. So I moved the chair off into a corner of the room and stopped sitting in it. Another set of triggers for my son were certain positions that I would hold him in. By this age, he mostly nursed sitting up in my lap. I found that if i picked him up to hold him and he was sitting up facing me, he would want to nurse. But if I picked him up and he was sitting up facing away from me, he wouldn’t ask to nurse. When he turned two, I also developed a “Don’t ask, don’t offer policy” – if he didn’t ask, I didn’t offer (unless he was having a meltdown, of course!).

It was also right about this same time that he was super interested in his toys and the world around him. So by avoiding triggers and encouraging his natural curiosity for the world, we went from nursing 8-10 times per day at 18 months to nursing only four times per day at age two. For a long time, we nursed first thing in the AM (he would come snuggle in bed with me, nurse and fall back to sleep – my favorite time of day!!), before his nap, after his nap and before bed at night.

Then Daddy was out of work for a few months and was around the house all day with us. Daddy started going up to get my son from his naps instead of me. This quickly eliminated the “after nap” nursing session and soon my son wasn’t even looking to nurse when he woke up from his naps – even if Daddy wasn’t home. Then, my favorite nursing session of all – the one that I thought would be last to go – the early AM one, was the next to go. It went all on it’s own. My son just started to wake up and ask to go downstairs to play. I would even ask him if he wanted to come “snuggle” in bed and he would say “no” he wanted to “go downstairs and play.” Occasionally he would come in bed, but most of the time, he just wanted to play. This was the part of “self-weaning” that surprised me the most -that he would just give up what seemed to be his and my most favorite nursing session – just like that! So by age 3, we were down to nursing only 1-2 times per day – before nap (if he took one) and before bed.

We have had several conversations about nursing. He knows that not all children his age nurse. He went to visit a friend with a child his age and a new baby and he came home to tell me “Jen nursed the baby, but not Leo.” He also asked questions like “Does Kenny nurse?” (his 13 year old cousin) or “Do firemen nurse?” So he knows that when he gets older he won’t need to nurse anymore. We had even discussed that when he was four, he might not need to nurse anymore – and he “kind of” agreed with that.

My son goes to preschool. One day he came home from school and said “Mommy, not all big boys nurse.” This seemed like a good opportunity to talk about weaning and how he was getting older, so I seized the opportunity. I told him that he was right, not all big boys nurse. I told him that he could nurse as long as he wanted to, but that someday he wouldn’t nurse anymore either. Then I told him that since he was such a big boy now, maybe he didn’t need to nurse EVERY day anymore. He agreed, and we decided that he would nurse every other day instead of every day. So for the next 3 months, we nursed every other day (unless he didn’t ask, which happened occassionally). Every day when I was putting him to bed, he would ask “Do we nurse today” and I would say “no” and he was fine. And on the days when I said “yes” he would ask “why?”

Then one day, we were playing with some of his animals, and he said that one of the animals was the “big brother” and that he was a big boy who didn’t need to nurse anymore. So again, I seized the moment. “That is great that this animal is such a big boy that he doesn’t nurse anymore. You are big boy too. Do you think that since you are such a big boy now, maybe we could nurse every third day instead of every other day?” And he agreed. The first week, he still asked every day “Do we nurse today?” and he nursed every third day. By the end of the second week, he was forgetting to ask and he was forgetting to nurse on the days that would have been his nursing days. He now routinely goes four to five days between nursing sessions. He is now 3 years, 8 months old. This is where we are today. It is a lovely journey from such a small baby to such a big boy! It makes me happy and sad to think that our nursing relationship will soon be over. There was a time when I thought he would never wean on his own and now there are times when I wonder if he will ask again or not.

What is your breastfeeding story? Did your child self-wean or did you encourage weaning? I like to think that I have done a mixture of both – self-weaning with encouragement. Please leave a comment and tell us about your “Journey Through Breastfeeding.”

My Baby Isn’t Eating The Same Could It Be Weaning?

Reader Question:
Hello. I am hoping you will be able to help me out. My son is 11 months old and I just started my womanly cycle 2 days ago. I noticed that he is eating but not quite as he use to. Is it true that when you start your cycles back up that the milk changes? I’m assuming that because I have new hormones going through my system that perhaps the taste of the milk is different to him and that is why he is not eating quite as he use to just 3 days ago. If not, could he be weaning? I don’t know how that could be possible because the only other foods he gets is an occasional cracker and sippy with water.

Advice From Judy

When it comes to menstruation and breastfeeding, every woman is different. Some women can go months or years without getting their normal cycle back while others return much sooner. When your cycle first begins, you may experience a number of changes including a temporary dip in supply, breast or nipple tenderness and/or a slight change in the taste of your breastmilk. Your baby may or may not react to these changes. Typically the changes occur either just before or during your cycle. Based on your description, it sounds like there might be a slight change in taste of your breastmilk and your baby may be reacting by nursing less often than he normally does. This behavior should only last for a short time and everything should return to normal in a few days. Keep offering your breast as your normally would and before you know it, your baby will be nursing at his regular pace again soon. NOTE: you may experience this same reaction just before or during each of your menstrual cycles, so don’t be worried if it happens again next month. Congratulations on breastfeeding your baby and thank you for sending in your question to our blog.

Do you have a question for Judy? Fill out our Contact Form

When Should I Start My Baby On Solids?

Reader Question

I could also use your advice on babies! This one is uncharted territory
for me. My daughter is now 10.5 months. She basically hasn’t eaten solids
yet. My boys both seemed “hungry” by 5.5 months and smoothly transitioned
to solids and nursing. She doesn’t like solids and solids don’t like her
(any little bit of food binds her up so much she can’t sleep and is
miserable for several days until it passes!). She seems healthy and well
fed just on breastmilk, and I noticed on your blog a few moms wrote in that
they didn’t start solids for a year. I guess I am just not sure when to
push solids now, what to start her on if I do. But I am just not sure what
to do and how to know if she needs it? Any advice?

Advice From Judy

Lots of babies don’t eat solids until 12 months or even later.
Nutritionally they don’t need it. The only reason to introduce them is for
the experience of different tastes and textures. I would say follow her
cues – if she isn’t ready, keep offering, but don’t push it. Your
breastmilk is all she needs to be healthy and strong.

Do you have a question you’d like answered? Please fill out our Contact Form!

Extreme Breastfeeding – How long is too long?

Coming up on Friday’s 20/20 will be a discussion of what most people call Extended Breastfeeding. ABC is referring to it as Extreme Breastfeeding. How long is too long?

Everyone has a different comfort level with breastfeeding. Prior to becoming a mom, I thought that one year was enough. Once I became pregnant myself and started reading up on it, I thought “one year, possibly two”. I was lucky enough enough to have many positive influences in my life – including many friends who breastfed for two years or longer. I am currently breastfeeding my toddler and have now surpassed any of my previous limits for breastfeeding.

I’d like to hear from you.

How many of you are nursing toddlers?

How long did you nurse for?

How did your child wean, did they self-wean, did you encourage weaning?

For those of you who haven’t nursed a toddler, but have nursed a baby – I’d like to hear from you too. How do you feel about nursing beyond the one year mark?

A good friend of mine, when she had her second baby, told me that she wished she hadn’t given in to societal pressures to stop nursing at age one. Does anyone else feel that way?

Please let us know your thoughts on extended breastfeeding in general and ABC’s portrayal of it on Friday night. Here is a link where you can see a preview of the show.

Signature Nursing Tank Now Comes In A Silky Bamboo!

The classic nursing tank that flatters just about every figure now comes in a silky smooth environmentally friendly bamboo blend. When you combine it with a great jacket or cardigan it’s perfect for all seasons.

• Gorgeous design in 3 captivating colors!
• Abra-strap friendly, tank-top with a diamond-shaped ruching at the tip of a sexy V-neck.
• Back is V-neck and length ends at lower hip for a more flattering and forgiving fit.
• Shoulder straps measure 1″ wide at the narrowest.
• This unique fabric blend is soft to the touch (feels almost 2nd skin) and falls beautifully.
• This design is cleverly constructed to compliment even immediate post-partum figures.
• To nurse, lift front layer to access the side slits.
• Made from 70% Bamboo,25% Cotton,5% Spandex.

Our third winner of the September Baby Photo Contest not only loves this tank but also deserves a round of applause as she has not only reached but surpassed her breastfeeding goal!

… We were celebrating a lot that day, including making it to our goal of “one year of exclusive breastfeeding!” With the support and encouragement of Judy & A Mother’s Boutique, we have surpassed our 1 year mark, and are still going strong. Judy was always available for suggestions about clothing, as well as general breastfeeding support! How can you wean when you have all these great clothes to wear?! This particular top is one of my favorites: bright, soft, comfortable, slimming, and bountiful side nursing openings. What else can you ask for?
Susan & Cal