Ask Judy: When Will My Baby Sleep Through The Night?

Dear Judy: Well, I know that every baby is different and all will finally sleep through the night whenever they’re ready, but at 6 months, my daughter is still not sleeping through the night (she did it 3 times over the course of last month, then it stopped). Various people have told me that this is because she’s not learning how to put herself back to sleep because I breastfeed her everytime she wakes up. They’ve told me that she’s conditioning herself to need the breast to get to sleep. She’s always been a big comfort nurser, it’s how I get her to bed every night, and honestly, it seems like they’re right — she won’t go back to sleep unless she breastfeeds (pacifiers, bottles of breastmilk, rocking, etc. don’t really work). She doesn’t eat much at these feedings, and they’re occurring every 3-4 hours, so I don’t think it’s a hunger issue.
I don’t want to give up opportunities to breastfeed her because I work full time and one lunch feeding plus evening/night feedings are what I have left, but if I’m creating a child that won’t sleep, that’s not good either.
It’s a big worry because she doesn’t sleep much at all during the day (seriously, this child will NOT nap), so I want to maximize the sleep she’s getting at night. Thanks, Krista

Hi Krista, Sleep is probably the “issue” with the most divergent opinions when it comes to babies. The truth is – every baby is different and every baby has different needs. Many breastfed babies wake frequently at night. You have to remember that your baby’s belly is only as large as her little fist - so even though she is six months old, she may need to eat during the night to help her get back to sleep. You might want to try waking her up a bit when she wakes up so that she gets a bigger feed and then put her back down. If she gets more in, she may stay asleep longer than if she just takes a nibble and falls back to sleep. There is a great article on babies and sleeping which you can read here.

Also, keep in mind that when doctors talk about “sleeping through the night” they mean that your baby goes for 5 hours without waking. Sleeping through the night does not mean sleeping all night long! Your baby may be “sleeping through the night” more often than you realize.

Have you considered co-sleeping? My son started sleeping through the night at age 4 weeks (yes I was VERY lucky!). When he was 4 months old, I went back to work and within 2 days of returning to work, my son started waking during the night to feed. You mentioned that you also work – so your daughter may be waking up to spend time with you. Once I started working again, my son was up all night nursing. He didn’t eat very much during the day with his caregiver and did the majority of his nursing at night. To get some sleep myself, I started co-sleeping with my son. He would go down in his own bed at 8 PM and then when he woke up at 1 AM or so, I would bring him into my bed. He would then nurse whenever he wanted and we would both get much more sleep! My husband used to tell me that he would wake up during the night – my son would be nursing away and I would be sound asleep. This worked until he was about 11 or 12 months old and he got too squirmy to sleep with – then I transitioned him back to his own bed.

You may want to try co-sleeping. You can read a great article about it here.

I’m sorry that I don’t have anything “concrete” to help you – but all I can say is YOU KNOW YOUR BABY better than anyone else – if you think this is what she needs, then it probably is. Don’t worry what others are telling you – do what is right for you and your baby.

Did you have sleep issues with your baby? How did you overcome them? Please leave a comment with any tips or tricks that worked for you!

Ask Judy: How Do I Help My Baby Sleep?

Dear Judy, I have a question regarding sleep. Ok, my daughter is six months old and is now on solids. We are up to breakfast and lunch with the oatmeal cereal. I still breastfeed her 7 times a day. We have been going through sleep training for a one week and 2 days. I have noticed at the beginning of the night she wakes from a dead sleep whinning and flopping around. It is always between 8:43 and 8:56 pm. She is going down around 8 pm. Based on my charting of her sleeping patterns she does better going to sleep between 8 and 8:15 pm. At first it took her 40 mins to return to sleep on her own. Now it about 8 mins.

Regarding the swaddling, she took herself out over a week ago. I would swaddle her and she would get out and sleep fine. So, I put her in a sleep sack now. Her day time sleep has improved greatly. She is able to deal with the startle responses while asleep. For some reason at night now she wakes between 8:43 and 8:56 PM . Its been about a week of her spontaneous waking. If I go in to pat at night, and shush her, it actually agitates her. I can do it during the day, which is interesting. At night, she does go back to sleep its just that the during the time she is up is anxiety provoking for me. Her poor little cheeks have rug-rash and she has rubbed out her hair in different places trying to get back to sleep.

My concern is the abrupt waking as well as flopping around. I know she’s not hungry because I feed her right before bed. Could it be gas from the solids? I am baffled and want to help her find another way to go back to sleep as oppose to flopping everywhere.

If your daughter isn’t having solids past lunch, it is unlikely to be gas caused by the solids as that would happen closer to when she ate and you would notice her discomfort during the day as well. It may just be her sleep pattern and she needs to slowly work her way out of it. It is probably a phase that she will out-grow. Many babies will respond positively to someone going in to their room and rubbing their back or shssing her and then letting her fall back to sleep. It doesn’t sound like this will work for your baby, however. You mentioned she was flopping around – she may be going through that difficult time between swaddling and not swaddling. My son did this – he couldn’t sleep without being swaddled, but didn’t want to be swaddled – it was a two month adjustment period for him to get his sleep patterns straightened out again.

I would say give her some time. She is adjusting to being in the sleep sack vs being swaddled. You may want to swaddle her at night – even if she gets out of it, that’s OK – but it might help her get through this “difficult time” better. Don’t worry about her moving about – she will do a lot more of that as she gets older. I used to worry because my son would turn over onto his belly to sleep, but once they are able to turn, they can pretty much sleep whichever way they want and it is OK. Give it some time and see how she does. Just keep in mind – “this too shall pass.” — Judy

Update:

Dear Judy, I just wanted to give you a wonderful update. I took your advice and swaddled my daughter again and she is sleeping better. The first night I forgot, so she woke up I swaddled her and she slept longer. Our schedule was a bit off the next day, but she bounced right back. I also discovered that I made the cereal too think for her. The proof was in the poo. So, I adjusted that and she is able to pass gas easier if there is a such thing. Her poo has slowed down as well, which tells me she is adjusting. So, as usual thank you so much. I’ve learned through this introduction of solids process that breastfeeding her before her cereal works great. I feel better about her on solids knowing she is getting enough milk which means the continuation of a good supply (yay!).

Did your little one have sleep issues? What techniques worked best for you? How long did you swaddle your baby? Leave us a comment to let us know!

Newborn Babies and Sleep

Congratulations on the birth of your new baby.

This is a glorious time in your life – and a sleepless time too. Newborns have very different sleep needs than older babies. This article will help you understand your baby’s developing sleep patterns, and will help you have reasonable expectations for sleep.

Read, Learn, and Beware of Bad Advice

Absolutely everyone has an opinion about how you should handle sleep issues with your new baby. The danger to a new parent is that these tidbits of misguided advice (no matter how well-intentioned) can truly have a negative effect on our parenting skills and, by extension, our babies’ development…if we are not aware of the facts. The more knowledge you have the less likely that other people will make you doubt your parenting decisions.

When you have your facts straight, and when you have a parenting plan, you will be able to respond with confidence to those who are well-meaning but offering contrary or incorrect advice. So, your first step is to get smart! Know what you are doing, and know why you are doing it. Read books and magazines, attend classes or support groups – it all helps.

The Biology of Newborn Sleep

During the early months of your baby’s life, he sleeps when he is tired, it’s that simple. You can do little to force a new baby to sleep when he doesn’t want to sleep, and conversely, you can do little to wake him up when he is sleeping soundly.

Newborn babies have very tiny tummies. They grow rapidly, their diet is liquid, and it digests quickly. Although it would be nice to lay your little bundle down at bedtime and not hear from him until morning, this is not a realistic goal for a tiny baby. Newborns need to be fed every two to four hours — and sometimes more.

Sleeping “through the night”

You may believe that babies should start “sleeping through the night” soon after birth. For a new baby, a five-hour stretch is a full night. Many (but not all) babies can sleep uninterrupted from midnight to 5 a.m. (Not that they always do.) This may be a far cry from what you may have thought “sleeping through the night” meant!

What’s more, some sleep-through-the-nighters will suddenly begin waking more frequently, and it’s often a full year or even two until your baby will settle into an all-night, every night sleep pattern.

Falling Asleep at the Breast or Bottle

It is natural for a newborn to fall asleep while sucking at the breast, a bottle, or a pacifier. When a baby always falls asleep this way, he learns to associate sucking with falling asleep; over time, he cannot fall asleep any other way. This is probably the most natural, pleasant sleep association a baby can have. However, a large percentage of parents who are struggling with older babies who cannot fall asleep or stay asleep are fighting this powerful association.

Therefore, if you want your baby to be able to fall asleep without your help, it is essential that you sometimes let your newborn baby suck until he is sleepy, but not totally asleep. When you can, remove the breast, bottle, or pacifier from his mouth, and let him finish falling asleep without it. If you do this often enough, he will learn how to fall asleep without sucking.

Waking for Night Feedings

Many pediatricians recommend that parents shouldn’t let a newborn sleep longer than four hours without feeding, and the majority of babies wake far more frequently than that. No matter what, your baby will wake up during the night. The key is to learn when you should pick her up for a feeding and when you can let her go back to sleep on her own.

Here’s a tip that is important for you to know. Babies make many sleeping sounds, from grunts to whimpers to outright cries, and these noises don’t always signal awakening. These are what I call sleeping noises, and your baby is asleep during these episodes.

Learn to differentiate between sleeping sounds and awake sounds. If she is awake and hungry, you’ll want to feed her as quickly as possible so she’ll go back to sleep easily. But if she’s asleep – let her sleep!

Help Your Baby Distinguish Day from Night

A newborn sleeps sixteen to eighteen hours per day, and this sleep is distributed evenly over six to seven sleep periods. You can help your baby distinguish between night sleep and day sleep, and thus help him sleep longer periods at night.

Have your baby take his daytime naps in a lit room where he can hear the noises of the day. Make nighttime sleep dark and quiet, except for white noise (a background hum). You can also help your baby differentiate day from night by using a nightly bath and a change into pajamas to signal the difference between the two.

Watch for Signs of Tiredness

Get familiar with your baby’s sleepy signals and put her down to sleep as soon as she seems tired. A baby who is encouraged to stay awake when her body is craving sleep is an unhappy baby. Over time, this pattern develops into sleep deprivation, which complicates developing sleep maturity. Learn to read your baby’s sleepy signs — such as quieting down, losing interest in people and toys, and fussing — and put her to bed when that window of opportunity presents itself.

Make Yourself Comfortable

It’s a fact that your baby will be waking you up, so you may as well make yourself as comfortable as possible. Relax about night wakings right now. Being frustrated about having to get up won’t change a thing. The situation will improve day by day; and before you know it, your newborn won’t be so little anymore — she’ll be walking and talking and getting into everything in sight…during the day, and sleeping peacefully all night long.

This article is an excerpt from The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night by Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003)

Elizabeth Pantley is a mother, author, and parenting educator. Her books and parenting advice are frequently featured in magazines such as Parents, Parenting, American Baby, and Good Housekeeping. The following books are authored or co-authored by Elizabeth and recommended by A Mother’s Boutique: The No-Cry Discipline Solution, The No-Cry Sleep Solution, The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Pre-schoolers, The No-Cry Potty Training Solution, Gentle Baby Care, Hidden Messages, Perfect Parenting, Kid Cooperation, and The Successful Child.