Connecting To Our Authentic Self

By Tracy Liebmann

Some of us are feeling very connected to our true selves and others might be wishing to have a deeper connection. My hope is that this article will help everyone go deeper. If you feel very well connected to your authentic self, maybe you can think of a place that still needs a little deepening. Maybe you tend to lose your authentic voice when talking with your parents or family of origin, or maybe your boss at work or when you are confronted. Just stay open and work through this and see what comes up.

When we are born we are whole and beautiful; sometimes through the years we start to loose ourselves piece by piece, to society, to our parents, to school and friends. We shape ourselves to be what they want us to be, instead of what we truly are.

So where do you find this authentic self? It’s not something that’s foreign to us, but something that was always there and got submerged under layers of protection and conditioning. We want to gradually strip away those layers and find the treasure that has always awaited us underneath.

Use these ideas and questions to get you started. Please do not think of this as something you have to do OR something you have to do RIGHT. Just get a notebook, paper or journal and write some things down.

~ What did you enjoy doing as a child? How did you envision your life as an adult?

~ What are your values? What really matters to you? Look at each item carefully. Where did it come from? If you learned it from your parents, is it still something that you would choose for yourself? If so, restate it in a way that makes it your own. If not, replace it with something that’s meaningful to you now.

~ What’s fun for you now? What would you like to do but avoid because you don’t think you’d be very good at it or you’re afraid of what people will say?

~ What topics are you drawn to? If you were going to subscribe to a bunch of magazines, which ones would you choose?

~ What do you do because you know it will please other people? How would you change that if you only had to please yourself? This may be a tough one because after many years of sacrificing your own desires for those of parents, spouses, friends, etc., your own desires may be a distant memory. If this is the case, be patient with yourself and keep looking. Growth has often been compared to peeling the layers of the onion. Keep peeling.

~ Be aware of your body. What messages is it giving you? Which activities allow your body to feel relaxed and open? Which ones make you tense or uncomfortable? How can you stop or change the stimulus that causes your stress?

~ As you come more in touch with what’s truly meaningful to you, start to make a place for it in your life. Take time to do things that are pleasurable. Rethink your priorities. Begin to eliminate things that you do solely because you think you should. Certainly you have responsibilities to yourself and your family, but a lot of our obligations tend to be self-imposed and you can negotiate some of the other ones with your loved ones.

~ Start to bring your new authenticity into your creativity. When you’re faced with a challenge at home or at work, instead of resorting to your usual options, try brainstorming some new ones. How would the person you are now (or the person you want to be) handle this? Include some options that seem outrageous, and let that outrageousness expand the boundaries of your usual thinking.

Reconnecting with your authentic self will be a long process that will happen in steps, so be patient with yourself. Enjoy the hunt and revel in each new insight.

Tracy Liebmann is an experienced educator, Certified Family Life Coach, and Author. She believes deeply that great communication is the key to better connection with your loved ones. She mothers her two teenaged children from the heart, knowing that is where the truth lies when it comes to parenting. Her coaching clients describe her using words like; compassionate, caring, understanding, patient, insightful and intuitive. She lives in Charleston, SC with her husband of 19 years, her 2 children and many interesting pets. She enjoys being with her family, cooking, anything outdoors and being with her horses! You can learn more about her and her coaching practice at www.transformingfamily.com or you can get parenting advice with heart at www.asktracy.wordpress.com Tracy is a regular contributor to this blog, so stay tuned for more great parenting articles from her!

5 Steps to Deepening Your Family’s Connection

By Tracy Liebmann

1. Communicate clearly, yet compassionately.

• Clearly only comes from your Authentic/True self, you need to be connected with your true self to be communicating clearly. When connected to your true self you are not acting or reacting from ego, inner child or your conditioning. You are communicating clearly because you know it is your truth!
• Compassionately means you are communicating with love and respect. You treat the other person or people the way you would want to be treated.

2. Be an active listener.

• Active listening involves fully listening to the speaker. Often we do not fully listen, we are often half listening or thinking about our reply instead of fully listening.
• Active Listening is a structured form of listening and responding that focuses the attention on the speaker. The listener repeats, in the listeners own words, what they think the speaker has said. The listener does not have to agree with the speaker…he or she must simply state what they think the speaker said.
• This enables the speaker to find out whether the listener really understood. If the listener did not, the speaker can explain some more.

3. Trust that the other person is being honest.

• Trusting the other person (when I say people or person, I am always including children!) is doing the best that they can with what they have to work with.
• Sometimes other people will not have the same tools that you have; the best way to “teach” something is through modeling it! So practice these steps, share what you know in a respectful way and they will follow your lead.
• Trust that they will!

4. Show love in a way the other receives well.

• What I mean by this is that everyone feels loved in different ways. Some people feel loved when touched physically; with a hug or a kiss. Others like to spend time with their loved one. Some people feel loved when they receive gifts and others feel loved through verbal communication.
• If you are interested in finding out what your love language is, here is a test you can take.

5. Have FUN with one another!

• Spend time doing what the other person/people like to do.
• Often in families where people are aloud to be who they really are, there are so many different hobbies and interests it may be hard to keep up – Yet, it is important to try.
• One person may like playing video games, ask to join them, learn how to play that person’s favorite game. Others may love going to parks or playing outside, make sure to take time to do that with them…you get the picture!
• Show that you know them, show that you care about what they like!

Tracy Liebmann is an experienced educator, Certified Family Life Coach, and Author. She believes deeply that great communication is the key to better connection with your loved ones. She mothers her two teenaged children from the heart, knowing that is where the truth lies when it comes to parenting. Her coaching clients describe her using words like; compassionate, caring, understanding, patient, insightful and intuitive. She lives in Charleston, SC with her husband of 19 years, her 2 children and many interesting pets. She enjoys being with her family, cooking, anything outdoors and being with her horses! You can learn more about her and her coaching practice at www.transformingfamily.com or you can get parenting advice with heart at www.asktracy.wordpress.com Tracy is a regular contributor to this blog, so stay tuned for more great parenting articles from her!

Have The Best 2010 Possible – Tips For Moms

By Tracy Liebmann

I want you to start living the Life of your dreams! We are all amazing a divine people, who sometimes get off track or loose sight of our souls purpose. I believe every bit of change starts within us and I’d like to draw your focus back to the source that is within you.

2010 can be the first year of the rest of your life!

As Mothers we work hard 24/7…365! We care for others and sometimes forget ourselves. That strategy does not *really* benefit anyone.

“In trying to satisfy all, I may be able to satisfy none” ~Gandhi

So let’s get the focus back on our very important selves this year, it is not selfish to care for self…it is wise and necessary…especially for Mothers!! Let’s explore things we can do for ourselves as a whole divine person; let’s break it down into three very important parts!

Body ~ Mind ~ Spirit

Body

• Rest! Our bodies need a certain amount of rest to function well. I know for Mothers this can be a challenge, yet it needs to be a top priority! Sleep deprivation can have a serious negative impact on how well we are able to care for ourselves and our family!
• No excuses…look for solutions to your sleep issues and get more REST!!
• Diet/Nutrition. Let’s talk diet first, since this is the time of year that everyone thinks about the great new diet plan they will carry out in 2010. I would like to remind you to come from a place of self love when considering dieting. Dieting from a place of self hatred will never end well. You may lose the weight, but it will be back – Love yourself enough to eat well, not from hating your big butt, but from loving yourself!
• Exercise. Getting outside in the fresh air and sunshine, with your heart pumping and your lungs filling with sweet air is very important not only for your waistline but also for your brain. I will say the same thing I said above…Exercise out of love for Self, not from a place of hatred or punishment. Go out with the kids and play kick ball, take a walk or run with the stroller. Enjoy life…Enjoy your body!
• Water. Drink lots of water! That’s all I’m gonna say on that subject, you know why!
• Massage. This is not just a fabulous way to spend a Saturday afternoon. It is actually good for you. It releases toxins, and keeps your body working well from the inside out! Caring for self is a necessity, not a luxury! OK, I just have to say…I don’t care what your husband thinks (gasp)! Do it for yourself, show yourself love and nurturing…your worth it!!

Mind

How do you care for your mind? How do you “clear your head?” Caring for your mental health is *very* important and needs to be done on a daily basis!

• Quiet. Everyday find a way to quiet your mind. I know quiet is a valuable commodity for a Mother! Every valuable commodity is worth seeking right?! It can look different for everyone. Some people take 15 minutes to meditate; others may break their quiet time down to 5 minutes in morning, noon and night. Some may breathe deep, close their eyes and relax while a child is nursing. It’s all good – Find a way to quiet your mind daily!
• Support. Mothers need loving support! Find other Moms that you have a lot in common with; with similar parenting styles and plan weekly meet ups. Hire a Life Coach that has similar philosophy about family and children as you do. However and whereever you can, look for and find loving support. Again that is an act of self care and you are important enough to receive it!
• Ask For Help. We really don’t have to do it all!! We can ask for help. If you are feeling like you have no one to ask…start looking for solutions. Find a babysitter you can trust, hire a cleaning person, even ask the kids and Husband where they would be willing to help.
• Body. If you take good care of your body; getting enough rest, exercise and nutrition your mind will be functioning at its best, so revisit that subject and ask yourself what your mind needs to feel better.

Spirit

To me spirit is about heart and soul; for Mothers this is a very powerful part of the body, mind, and spirit paradigm! Taking good care, listening to and honoring our spirit is extremely important!

• Spirituality. For some this means religion and church going; for others it means we are all connected and one with source and lots of in between! So I am writing this in a general way. Honor your beliefs, even if they are different than others that are close to you. Life is an individual journey that is connected to others for the reasons of love, support and growth. Make time for yourself to honor your beliefs; go to church, join a group, meditate and/or pray. Care for your spiritual side.
• Authentic Self. *Knowing* ourselves at the deepest level and honoring who we are is especially important to feeling our best. If we are not following our inner voice or true selves we will feel unhappy and out of sorts because we are going against our highest good. Often through years of societal conditioning we lose sight of who we really are. We have lost our Authentic (true) Selves. If this is striking a cord for you, and you are feeling like; yes this is what is happening to me. Following the suggestions already mentioned here in this article will help…yet you may also desire some extra support. This is my *passion* to help women find their Authentic Selves, please e-mail me and I can send you more articles and information that will help you uncover what the layers of life have buried.

Tracy Liebmann is an experienced educator, Certified Family Life Coach, and Author. She believes deeply that great communication is the key to better connection with your loved ones. She mothers her two teenaged children from the heart, knowing that is where the truth lies when it comes to parenting. Her coaching clients describe her using words like; compassionate, caring, understanding, patient, insightful and intuitive. She lives in Charleston, SC with her husband of 19 years, her 2 children and many interesting pets. She enjoys being with her family, cooking, anything outdoors and being with her horses! You can learn more about her and her coaching practice at www.transformingfamily.com or you can get parenting advice with heart at www.asktracy.wordpress.com Tracy is a regular contributor to this blog, so stay tuned for more great parenting articles from her! To receive A Special Tool, Gifts and to be entered in a drawing to win a Coaching Package with Tracy worth over $750! Click here.

Simplifying Family Life

By Tracy Liebmann

When looking for ways to simplify our family life we often run into titles like Get More Done and 100 Things To Do: To Simplify Your Life. I don’t know about you, but I really don’t want to be told I need to get more done or have MORE things TO DO! What I desire is to do less, to me that is simplifying life! So, if you’re looking for an article that helps you get more done in less time or how to organize I suggest doing a google search and you will find plenty of books and articles that will help you feel worse not better. OK, a little sarcasm there…please forgive me.

My thoughts on simplifying life are more about streamlining our lives, eliminating what we can and enjoying what we do. I will make a list of suggestions; not orders or rules to follow, just ideas.

• Journal about what you really want your family life to look like.
• Analyze what you wrote; look for hints of the life you desire.
• Look for troublesome areas and things you can eliminate.
• What parts of your day really work well for you and your family?
• Why are they working?
• What parts of your day are not working well?
• Why are they not working?

So, when you look at this writing what do you see? The mornings are crazy because we are all too hurried. OK, what can change? And if these changes involve others, I highly recommend bringing them into the conversation. Look for unlikely solutions, not the simple ones like getting up earlier, unless everyone likes that idea. Look at what’s working and why; after school or work things run smoothly for about an hour. Why is that, because everyone is just unwinding, doing the things they like to do? So how can we make the morning more about doing the things we like to do. I know this might sound absurd to some really busy families and I challenge the people who fit into that category to do an inventory of what’s really important. What can stay and what can go?

When you look at your day and you see more “have to” and “should”, than “want to” and “could”, I ask that you look at that and ask why. I look at it this way, I really don’t have to do anything, and I make choices. When I look at things and say “I choose” to drive my daughter to cross country practice it feels a lot better than saying “I have” to drive her. If driving her to practice doesn’t work for me, then I would look for a creative solution that would work for both of us. This time of year life gets really busy and I suggest staying very aware of the “could of, would of, should of’s” if you hear that in your head it’s time to regroup. Remind yourself you have choices and you can choose what to do and where to go… joyfully! Transform your holidays!

What are you doing with your holidays? How has Tracy’s advice made you look at your plans differently? Please share you advise, thoughts, tips and experiences by leaving a comment on this post!

Tracy Liebmann is an experienced educator, Certified Family Life Coach, and Author. She believes deeply that great communication is the key to better connection with your loved ones. She mothers her two teenaged children from the heart, knowing that is where the truth lies when it comes to parenting. Her coaching clients describe her using words like; compassionate, caring, understanding, patient, insightful and intuitive. She lives in Charleston, SC with her husband of 19 years, her 2 children and many interesting pets. She enjoys being with her family, cooking, anything outdoors and being with her horses! You can learn more about her and her coaching practice at www.transformingfamily.com or you can get parenting advice with heart at www.asktracy.wordpress.com Tracy is a regular contributor to this blog, so stay tuned for more great parenting articles from her!

Parenting Curriculum?

By Tracy Liebmann

A curriculum relies on specific goals and objectives that should be achieved within a certain time line. When it comes to parenting I find the results of this stilted and mundane. Our children are not products; they are autonomous beings who need to be in connection with their parents. When I threw out the curriculum and simply created a safe place for collaboration, wonderful changes occurred within my family. Having expectations for a child to achieve certain goals and objectives by a certain time is just setting them (and us) up for failure. I needed a way to re-frame the curriculum that I had started out with and this is the best way I can put it into words.

I started to look at it like a musician entering a jam session. I am one person who has learned how to play my instrument who is in collaboration with the other people in my family – all bringing their gifts and talents to our jam session. Together we share ideas on how we want our song to sound and then we just start playing. What flows in that moment is what matters, not the preconceived notions about what we thought the song should sound like. The art of this jam session is that we meet on common ground, which is the well-being of the family, then we improvise and see what we can come up with. The tune often sounds nothing like the original preconceived idea…that is the art of living without a curriculum.

I use the word art purposefully, no two families are exactly alike, just like a painting or sculpture. In a family jam session standard activities like meal time, watching TV, personal hygiene or deciding what to do that day, provide the setting for this type of improv. The skills and knowledge we have at our fingertips are not employed according to plan, we are not the boss or even the lead player, and we (parents) let things unfold naturally using our “expertise” only when we are asked. We are like the drummer who supports the other artists and keeps the rhythm going. The magic happens during the interactions, in the space between the participants, no one member can take the credit.

Parenting without a curriculum means looking at life with our family as a philosophy of experiential learning, one that downplays the intellectual tendency to predict and control. Integrating spiritual principles like “leads by following”, “finding perfection in things as they are and not as we think they should be”, these are principles a conscious parent will live by. It is an experience NOT a script or a bundle of dogma! The idea is to live moment by moment, being true to you.

Tracy Liebmann is an experienced educator, Certified Family Life Coach, and Author. She believes deeply that great communication is the key to better connection with your loved ones. She mothers her two teenaged children from the heart, knowing that is where the truth lies when it comes to parenting. Her coaching clients describe her using words like; compassionate, caring, understanding, patient, insightful and intuitive. She lives in Charleston, SC with her husband of 19 years, her 2 children and many interesting pets. She enjoys being with her family, cooking, anything outdoors and being with her horses! You can learn more about her and her coaching practice at www.transformingfamily.com or you can get parenting advice with heart at www.asktracy.wordpress.com Tracy is a regular contributor to this blog, so stay tuned for more great parenting articles from her!

All I Needed to Learn I Learned from My Children

By Tracy Liebmann

Life: It’s about the journey not the destination, oh what a journey! I feel like I have had a few different lives already. My childhood which was dysfunctional, my college years which were wild, my twenties which were both professional and academic, my thirties wow my thirties…I think I’ll start there.

We were living in San Francisco when I turned thirty. We really wanted to start a family and I knew I really wanted to stay at home with the children. We decided to move back east for cost of living issues. We moved to coastal South Carolina, got pregnant, and had a baby. Our wonderful daughter who is now almost 11. The day I gave birth to her I started to give birth to me. Two years later the next mile stone on this journey occurred, the birth of our loving son, now 8 years old. These two miracles have taught me more in 11 years than…hmmmm let me count…18 years in schools and colleges! I had a lot to learn about living, I had a lot to learn about parenting and being in a healthy family. It was challenging because of my “story” from childhood.

Looking back the first lesson I learned was about unconditional love, which was not an easy one. It took years to come to the understanding I have today about unconditional love. Yes, from day one I loved my baby girl with love in which I thought was unconditional, yet it had conditions. The conditions I had, that today I hate to admit were that she sleeps through the night, nap, eat without trouble, not cry too much and give me 5 minutes to take a shower. I set myself up for failure. Those things I just listed are what babies do…in-case you didn’t know . Jumping to the present the things that I do accept unconditionally are things like; not sleeping, eating less than perfectly, yelling and best of all I always get a shower and love every quiet moment. Today unconditional love means acceptance, accepting my children just how they are at that very minute. How did I learn how to accept and love unconditionally even during a rage of anger, which happened pretty frequently during our first few months of unschooling. I found support from online lists and magazines. I read and learned all I could, then I tried it, I tried to remember to breathe deep. I use mantras, like “only good can come to me” and I remind myself that it’s not about me! Oh there is another thing my kids have taught me, it’s not about me. It’s not about me that they are crying, screaming at one another, throwing a rock at grandma (yes, it really happened). They are who they are. This leads me into the next subject my children have taught me all about…acceptance.

I just described accepting my children for who they are and that’s were it all started for me. Then I realized if I accept them for who they are no matter what, then what about me? I had never accepted myself for who I was until after this journey into unschooling. SO I started to do just that love myself with out conditions…it is still a work in progress, but what light it has shown my spirit. OK…so who’s next, the hubby, oh boy this one is also a work in progress. I have always had a special place in my heart for children, not true about adults. I have learned through accepting my kids for who they are that I must accept everyone…including my loving husband. Acceptance to me is always about what is, not what was or what could have been.

Surrender is another big lesson my kids taught me. When I came into this parenting thing I was quite the control freak. Being pregnant, giving birth, then the preceding days, months, years, taught me I was not in control. It didn’t matter that I had just given darling daughter a bath, she was going to poop and spit up all over herself, it didn’t seem to matter what I believed she should eat to grow big and strong, she knew what her body needed.

When my son was around two, it was obvious he was special. He is an acutely aware little boy, so that made living in this world a little more exhausting for him than you or I. I had no control over who he is, he is amazing and I had nothing to do with it. He has taught me more about myself and communicating with others.

Unconditional love, surrender and acceptance; those are the principles I have learned from my children, pretty profound stuff that I continue to work on everyday. What are some things that you have learned from your children? Please leave a comment and share your thoughts and experiences!

Tracy Liebmann is an experienced educator, Certified Family Life Coach, and Author. She believes deeply that great communication is the key to better connection with your loved ones. She mothers her two teenaged children from the heart, knowing that is where the truth lies when it comes to parenting. Her coaching clients describe her using words like; compassionate, caring, understanding, patient, insightful and intuitive. She lives in Charleston, SC with her husband of 19 years, her 2 children and many interesting pets. She enjoys being with her family, cooking, anything outdoors and being with her horses! You can learn more about her and her coaching practice at www.transformingfamily.com or you can get parenting advice with heart at www.asktracy.wordpress.com Tracy is a regular contributor to this blog, so stay tuned for more great parenting articles from her!

Our Beliefs, Our Behavior

By Tracy Liebmann

Belief is usually defined as a conviction of the truth of a proposition without its verification; therefore a belief is a subjective mental interpretation derived from perceptions, contemplation or communication. What we believe is basically who we are. It drives just about everything we do, but what are these beliefs and where did they come from? I have been thinking about this for awhile now and it is a fascinating subject. I know without a doubt my beliefs about family and being a parent have been challenged in the last 10 years. I will share some of the most obvious beliefs that people hold and if questioned, can lead to a change in belief which can lead to a change in behavior.

Beliefs worth challenging:

1. Life is hard; you must work hard to get what you want.
2. I must regulate what my child does; including things like TV, video games, food and bedtime.
3. Rewards and Punishments are the only way to produce well behaved children.
4. Children (all ages) are not capable of making reasonable choices.

Same beliefs challenged:

1. Life is abundant; I can have anything my heart desires. Why do we have to make things hard, I believe we have a choice. We can choose the way we look at things, I’m not saying we don’t have to do the foot work in life. We have to do a lot of foot work to get what we want out of life, but we can choose to do the “work” of life joyfully!
2. My children know what they need, they know what to do to honor their needs. I believe children are well equipped to know when they are hungry or tired and they know what their bodies need. The only reason that is not true is because of something I or society has done to mess with their inner knowing. Same holds true for things with “screens.” My children have learned a lot from the technologies that are available to them, life is totally different than it was 20 years ago. Time to reevaluate our beliefs.
3. Connecting with and respecting my children will give them the best start in life, they will behave the way I behave. Treat children with respect, they will respect others. Connect with each other they will connect well with others. Punish them, they will punish others. Rewards are manipulative, manipulate children they will manipulate others.
4. All children (regardless of age) are capable to make reasonable choices, when they are given enough accurate information. Choices for a toddler should not be limited to what color cup they want to drink from. Children want to learn and understand the world they live in, we need to give them accurate information and show them the ropes. Safety is always of the utmost importance, we should always keep our children safe while explaining what the dangers are and letting them explore their world. If we are overly protected and controlled we can not learn how to make good informed decisions later in life.

To challenge our beliefs is not to say they are erroneous or invalid, yet asking questions about our beliefs opens the door to ask why we believe what we do. After you look at your belief system, where it came from and if it still serves you, you can move forward knowing you were brave enough to look. We are belief makers!

Tracy Liebmann is an experienced educator, Certified Family Life Coach, and Author. She believes deeply that great communication is the key to better connection with your loved ones. She mothers her two teenaged children from the heart, knowing that is where the truth lies when it comes to parenting. Her coaching clients describe her using words like; compassionate, caring, understanding, patient, insightful and intuitive. She lives in Charleston, SC with her husband of 19 years, her 2 children and many interesting pets. She enjoys being with her family, cooking, anything outdoors and being with her horses! You can learn more about her and her coaching practice at www.transformingfamily.com or you can get parenting advice with heart at www.asktracy.wordpress.com Tracy is a regular contributor to this blog, so stay tuned for more great parenting articles from her!

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